Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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