1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
