My liver just broke up with me...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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