they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
