Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Randomize
