if i can run in heels then i can drive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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