Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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