This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
