Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
