Me. At least after what I've been through.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
