1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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