Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
