Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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