Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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