She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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