Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
