Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
