just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
