I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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