fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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