Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize