Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
