How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
