Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my poor anus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
