Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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