Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
