Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
