its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
