You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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