How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
