I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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