I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
