i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
