she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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