I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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