she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
