I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
