Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
