This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He did a backflip because drugs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
