Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am one with the molecules
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
