you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
