she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
