Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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