He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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