I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
