Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
