So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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