There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pants are for mortals
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
