ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
