The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
