isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
