The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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