No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
