Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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