I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
