if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
