I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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