My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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