Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
