she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
