I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
