You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
