I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
