Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize