So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
