my sisters under your porch take her home
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
