somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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