Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
