she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
