Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have already put on my inside pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
