Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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