as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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