My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
